Still Got a Long Way to Run

The music of the band Collective Soul always takes me back to the beginning of 1999 and reminds me of the time I spent with a dear friend who reminded me of what it means to live. All hyperbole aside, at that time in my life, about 21 years old, I was already rather jaded and pessimistic towards many things. I felt helpless in my job, with school, and more so with my social and "love" life.

I had great friends during that time, but two of my closest were starting families and I allowed myself to feel nudged out of their lives. They didn't nudge me out, yet I acted as if I they were doing so. Then I began to hangout with a former co-worker with more frequency and I felt renewed. During the day on her days off from work, and my days away from school, we drove around town running various errands and just plain goofing around; sometimes we would watch movies in the middle of the day. Watching movies at a theater during the middle of the day is one of my favorite activities. Doing so in the company of a kindred spirit makes the experience more special, in my opinion.


One time we went to the Witte Museum on Broadway, enjoying the exhibits and the company of one another. During that trip we made stop motion videos using a Macintosh desktop and video camera rigged to animate. About an hour was spent manipulating the ball and socket figures and plastic dinosaurs on the table provided. In total we produced about five ten second videos. Nothing that would change the art world, but we enjoyed ourselves. We both considered ourselves "artists," but not in the hoity-toity way; we both drew, painted, wrote, and composed music.

If ever there was a poster child for "frustrated artist" it is me in 1999. In her I found a muse of sorts. She knew how to make me laugh, and if I could make her laugh my day was brighter. And that day we both spent a lot of time laughing and smiling. If memory serves we also had brought bag lunches because we wanted to picnic on the grounds of the museum. And picnic we did. Sitting on the back side of the museum, in a rustic looking portion of a town, we silently ate our lunches. We both took in the fresh air, the silence, and the rest of our surroundings. It was funny to me at the time that I usually found silences frustrating and awkward, yet with her they were moments to enjoy her presence. Looking back, there was something so very "Wes Anderson" about that day, and that is probably apropos as Rushmore had just come out in theaters. Wee both wanted to see it although we would later rent it on VHS and enjoy it. 


During the year of 1999 we grew closer as friends and never quite made that precarious leap from friends to a couple, but that is for the best. We had many more adventures throughout the year that I may write about, but I just needed to put some thoughts on paper after hearing Collective Soul's Run. We both heard the song for the first time when we saw the movie Varsity Blues at the Alamo Quarry theater. The soundtrack is so much better than the movie, in my opinion, although there are some great moments in the movie.

During that time together I wrote two short stories, or more accurately a series of dialogues between characters that somewhat resembled our situation. I sketched more often, and some of those sketches I still have tucked away as well. I tinkered with some melodies that I had in my head and did my amateurish best to transcribe the notes I heard. To me, there is still a long way to run. More moments to live, to share, and to hope for.

Out of Nowhere, Like a Rainbow

The feeling seemingly came from out of nowhere.

Last Sunday morning, May 20, 2012 began as any other Sunday morning. Woke up, showered, shaved and shuffled aimlessly about my father’s house. Then I decided to surf the various news sites that I visit on a regular basis: Yahoo News, iO9, Ain’t It Cool, IMDB, and /Film – and for the most part I read news that I had already known of; nothing spectacular.

While surfing around imdb.com I stumbled upon an article about Kristin Wiig’s last night on Saturday Night Live.  I read the summary of the embedded video clip, and thought, “Challenge accepted,” when I read HitFix's challenge not to get “a little sniffly” watching the clip of her farewell.

As I watched clip, I wasn’t “sniffly; instead I became wistful. The skit began like any other last skit for the show, and in this skit guest host Mick Jagger played an emcee at an end of the year assembly for high school graduates, and he introduced “Tristan” as a graduate who will be missed after seven years (“She was held back”).

Members of Arcade Fire, at the direction of Principal Jagger began the piano intro to the Rolling Stone’s “She’s a Rainbow” and Kristin Wiig removed her graduate gown to reveal her actual attire. She then began dancing with members of the cast, some individually, and some in groups.

She became visibly emotional when she danced with her longtime co-stars Jason Sudekis and Bill Hader. With each dance partner I could see that realization on her face that although she would more than likely be welcome back to the show, she would never be able to truly recapture the magic that she created and collaborated on while a cast member.

As she finished her dance with creator and producer of Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels, the band transitioned into a rousing rendition of another Stones classic, “Ruby Tuesday.” During the line in the song , “And I’m gonna miss you” Kristin Wiig emphatically pointed to the audience, both in the studio and at home, sending us off with her best wishes as well.

With my recent graduation, the previous Saturday afternoon, I believe it was that moment as I watched her nationally say goodbye to the television show that made her a presence in the entertainment community when I began reconciling my emotions about my own graduation. I didn’t get a send off such as hers, although my graduation was televised on community access, but I did feel a sense of accomplishment that she might have felt that night, and possibly that feeling of being welcomed back, yet not quite at home.

I will attempt to capture my feelings about my journey back to college after more than a decade away and the events that took me to accomplishing my goal of graduating. Kristin Wiig’s farewell was emotional impetus for me to begin re-tracing my steps in my journey to success. 

I don’t know how I can thank all of my family, friends, and co-workers who made that feat possible for me. Without their support, I would be writing a story of how I should have stayed in school and attained my degree; instead, I will tell my story of another victory among defeats in my continuing education that is life.

Will Wonders Ever Cease?

So this is my first blog post from the Blogger app on my phone. It's kind of amazing to me that I can put photos into this, videos, or other media- all through my iPhone!

So let me see if I can get a photo into this thing...

It seems to have worked from this side. If I like this app version then I will post more random topics.

We're done here.

The Paranormal Affect of Activities

On Friday afternoon, I sat inside of Theater 3 at the Alamo Drafthouse Park North, eagerly awaiting the start of the third entry into the Paranormal Activity movie series. I  eagerly anticipated the movie even though I knew how deeply the movie might affect me afterwards.

If you don't already know this about me, dear readers, then let me be the one to tell you that although I consider myself to be a man of rationality and refined opinions and tastes I am in reality as superstitious as an illiterate 15th century peasant farmer. I believe in ghosts, or displaced energy if you prefer the term, as well  as demons. I also don't dick around with forces that I can't comprehend by playing with Ouija boards, tarot cards, or palm reading. They're all probably harmless parlor tricks, but I don't take a chance with my eternal soul; I've done and witnessed things that have probably done the trick for me already.

When the first Paranormal Activity came out in October 2009 I was hesitant to see it because my overactive imagination kicked into high gear when a classmate at UTSA gave her testimonial about the movie during a class discussion about ghosts. She was a devout Christian (or so she said in class) and she gave what I could only consider was the greatest marketing testimonial statement possible, "I regret seeing that movie (Paranormal Activity) because I am pretty sure that some entity or something worked its way into my life. I haven't been able to sleep, my boyfriend and I are fighting more often since I've seen it, and I have horrific thoughts." My first thought was "maybe she's just naturally predisposed to nuttiness. I don't know how a movie can influence one's life for better or for worse." I had my own thoughts on the subject, and the more I thought about it, the more credence I gave to her comments. I thought of the stories my dad and grandfather told me about the hysteria created when The Exorcist came out, and the claims that people made about evil spirits attacking them as punishment for watching the movie. Now I really wanted to see that movie.

Ever since I was a wee lad, I always found a way to push the envelope of my tolerance towards media that frightened me. I wanted to prove to my parents that I could handle whatever they could, especially whatever my dad could handle. I remember watching parts of John Carpenter's The Thing on cable, episodes of The Twilight Zone, and movies hosted by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Although I watched those movies with my dad in the room with me, I was adamant that my parents know how strong I was. I remember them being uncertain at first but eventually relented as it seemed that they had agreed to limit my exposure and discuss the movie with me afterward to give me context to what I had just seen. My father constantly reminded me that "It's only a movie. They (the monsters, ghosts, demons, etc.) can't hurt you. It's all make believe." I nodded assuredly and sat through the movies or television shows that I was scared of.


When driving home after the first movie, I thought to myself: "If the crucifix hanging above my bedroom doorway was on the ground or damaged in any way when I walk in, it's gonna be 'Peace out bitches! I'm burnin' this mofo to the ground!'" Then again, I was moving out of that apartment at the time, so I could have probably made a few phone calls to make that move happen quicker if I needed to, but thankfully my Lord was still peacefully perched above my doorway when I got home. I did however make the sign of the cross over myself several times just to be safe (such a good, superstitious, Catholic boy!). And the second movie was similar, except that I kept hearing noises in the house that I knew were just a part of the house settling (that's what I still maintain to this day). After I saw the first two Paranormal Activity movies I had trouble sleeping; rather I had trouble letting myself fall asleep.

With the third movie, I was definitely left with many thoughts about the movie. I wasn't "disturbed" per se, but I was definitely caught off guard by how effective the scares were in the movie. More so I was unnerved at how the mythology of the titular paranormal activity was constructed. By making the third movie a prequel and setting it during the childhood of the two sisters, the audience is given insight into just how far back the inclusion of the entity/demon goes. There are larger ideas that I won't go into because it is "spoiler territory" and I won't do that for those who haven't seen the movie yet. I will say this: that family is pretty much screwed from the word "go", especially the two daughters.What really stuck with me was the fact that one seemingly arbitrary character was willing to let great harm come to the family in the name of personal gain.

As a movie geek, I love the conventions experimented with throughout the Paranormal Activity series and how the "found footage" genre has evolved over the years, especially since one of the most successful examples of the genre, The Blair Witch Project. That movie was another one that kept me up listening for strange sounds around the  house and other places I found myself alone. And what I think makes these types of films successful is the amount of imagination is required by the viewer to truly enjoy the experience. For me, I have a crazy imagination and that feeds my superstition, which in turn really adds to my enjoyment of these types of movies. The genre doesn't have to be limited to the supernatural for me to really be drawn into the movie, but it helps.

One example that I can think of that is not supernatural in nature, but was an early example of the found footage genre was Nine Inch Nail's infamous Broken (aka The Broken Movie) that was made as a companion piece for the EP of the same title. When I first saw this video it was on VHS and was procured by one of my best friends at my constant urging ("buy it dude, buy it!"). When we watched it I was at once mesmerized, revolted, and horrified. The texture of the video, the distorted images and color imbalances, combined with the "realistic" look of the video added to the believability of the scenario. Between the violence of the VHS portions was actual professionally shot videos for the album; or perhaps it was the other way around. I was in shock by the end and to an extent convinced that some poor soul was tortured to death while filmed with a camcorder; I was pretty convinced we had just watched a "snuff film". Seems that the FBI was also convinced as they investigated the video for the same reason, at least according to legend. The short film lives on in infamy, and rightfully so because of the framing of the disturbing content.

While the Paranormal Activity series is not quite as disturbing as Broken, it still affects the way I view portrayals of "reality" in media, as well as in my own life. Could there really be such demonic entities that will go to any lengths in order to "collect" someone's life? Should I be concerned about my own spiritual well being, or even my life, if I am exposed to media that portrays demonic entities? I don't the answers to either of those questions, but I do know that like most people, I like a good scare every once in a while. A good night of sleep afterward doesn't hurt either.

So this is my new blog. Go ahead and love it. I'll wait.

I am back on Blogspot after a hiatus. Being in school is the main reason for my absence, so I figured that since I have seen and heard that caught my attention I should share with the rest of the Interwebs! Mainly I'll post my own thoughts and observations, but the occasional commentary and possible film or television review will pop up; whatever catches my attention. See you around the Interwebs sometime, friend.